I am in the middle of a creative recovery course, and one of the questions I was asked this week was, “What did your childhood bedroom look like?” And boy, did this send me down a joyful thought spiral.
I am one of the lucky few who come from parents who let their kids do whatever the hell the wanted to their bedrooms. My sister had a room that was something like a frog shrine. No one understands why… Anyway, my parents were always very supportive of self expression when it came to my style, and luckily for me (unlucky for the Realtor who tried selling our house), I learned there was no such thing as too far. It never even occurred to me that my particular style should be shameful or seen as uncool- I just loved it.
This is the kind of crazy I’m talking about...
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You may ask, "Is that a broom in the corner? You have carpet..." The answer is yes. I loved my broom. So I kept it where I could see it.
You may ask, "Did you sleep on that bed or was it just a platform for all your stuffed animals?" The answer is yes, we all crammed in together. They were stuffed animals by day, and guardians by night, and every one was needed and loved.
You may ask, "Okay but why so many colors?" to which I have no answer.
I stand here today in awe of the little girl who brought this room to life. She simply loved what she loved and that was all there was to it.
I am left wondering where fear of judgement and rejection has shaped how I show up to the world...
Have I become quieter/smaller/less colorful/more moderate, for the sake of being liked? Or not noticed? Or to fit in? Or to not cause conflict? Whenever we give up something in ourselves, the cost is often greater than we realize.
If you've stopped talking so much about your passion because it was becoming a burden to your friends, chances are you are forsaking a dream in order to be liked by people that might not be the best people for you.
If you want to be abundantly kind, but are afraid of standing out or drawing unwanted attention, you are letting the opinion of others (mostly people you don't even know) stand in the way of who you really want to be.
If you simply agree with someone even though you have a conflicting thought about the topic, you have decided that it is better to preserve a false sense of harmony than dignify yourself by voicing your true thoughts.
If you have a dress you LOVE, but never wear it because you are afraid of being too much/old school/provocative/attention seeking/boring, then you have decided to allow others to tame and quiet the voice inside you that says, "that reflects something in me," in order to become more like the masses.
Self expression is not just our creative projects, like the crafts we make, the songs we write, the pictures we paint, or the way we dance. It's also the way we dress, the words we speak, and the actions we take.
Imagine a life where we placed more value on being authentic and less value on being liked. What freedom! What goodness! The focus could shift from external validation to internal fulfillment. Embracing authenticity empowers us to make choices based on our genuine desires and values, unburdened by the need for approval. In this freedom, true connections with others can be made, as opposed to superficial ones made from societal expectations.
Sign me up!
You don't have to be everyone's cup of tea. It is far better to have fewer people in your circle and be abundantly you, than allow yourself to become smaller and smaller and smaller for the sake of being liked (but not known) but many.
What if we just did the thing/wore the thing/pursued the thing/said the thing and stopped letting all the other opinions in the world limit us from our most alive self? What a vibrant world we could create!
I believe that our souls are on a quest to bring us to our most authentic selves. This is your invitation to say yes.
Be brave.
Be honest.
Be your fullest self.
(& surround yourself with people who are comfortable with who they are!)
Questions to Ponder:
What did I like as a child? Hobbies, colors, style, music, etc.
Are there parts of me I've lost touch with that I'd like to reclaim?
Where am I conforming or people pleasing?
Movie Recommendation: Nine Days
xoxo
Anna