"Backtalking" is a song about reconciling with one's body, learning to embrace the wisdom of the physical self, and forging a deeper trust in YOU!
My Story
Returning to my body felt like discovering a long-lost language. What's wild is that I didn't even realize the fractured relationship I had with my body. I’ve (thankfully) been unusually resistant to the usual body image struggles many women my age face every day. I naively believed that because of that, my body and I were in harmony. I thought, “Me and my body? We’re good. We don’t have hateful dialogue. She does what I tell her to. A very useful vessel, when I’m not injured and want to run anyway.”
It was a trusted guide in my life who encouraged me to explore the connection between my emotions and physical sensations, asking me, "Where do you feel that in your body?" It was a simple question that sparked a big revelation: intuition lives in my body.
This was a massive wake-up call in my life, and I began to train myself to hear the silent cues of my physical self. I discovered a deepening trust in myself. I realized that my body is not against me but for me – a vessel brimming with wisdom and vibrancy. For too long, I treated my body as a tool (my religion of choice didn’t help this - trusting yourself was a dangerous game only for people who wanted to be deceived by the fickleness of humanity…) deaf to inner signals and relentless in my pursuit of goals. But now, I'm learning to listen to the gentle nudges and quiet whispers guiding me from within.
Behind The Lyrics
The lyrics mirror my personal evolution, initially skeptical of my body's capacity for communication, and now embracing its wisdom wholeheartedly. In both verses, the "quiet/gentle one" symbolizes my body. The “forgive me" lyrics towards the end echo my regrets for the times I pushed too hard, ignored the signs of strain/danger/goodness, and neglected my body's needs/wants. The imagery of making a fire, setting the table, and preparing tea reflects my heart to nurture this newfound connection and heal areas of mistrust and hurt.
Lyrics
I hope the music can speak for itself in all the rest I have to say! It was written at my piano with healing tears streaming down my face, and produced in the same spirit. The emotion captured is thanks to the grand piano the size of my dreams and the improv cello whose player's instructions were to make me cry. He did beautifully.
May this song be a catalyst in your life to take the time you need to slow down, tune into yourself, and listen to the infinite wisdom you already have inside you.
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Journal Prompts:
How can I heal my relationship with my body today?
What is in the way of me trusting myself?
xoxo
Anna